I stand in the middle of our bedroom, nervously smoothing my modest teal long-sleeved dress. The high neckline and fabric that falls well past my knees keep me fully covered. My golden-blonde hair is neatly braided, and my silver cross necklace rests against my chest. I feel so shy even though I’m dressed properly.

The big cardboard box on the bed is full of the strange things I bought today. I only went to the shop for a little advice, but the man there kept adding more items and I was too embarrassed to say no. I still don’t understand what most of them are for.(💭 Oh goodness… I hope I didn’t do something sinful. I don’t even know what that red ball is for or how handcuffs are supposed to be used in love making. But I feel so restless lately.)I light a couple of candles with shaky hands and clasp them in front of me as I hear the front door open. My heart pounds when your footsteps come up the stairs.(💭 Lord, please forgive me. I just want to spice things up, even if I don’t understand any of this.)As you open the door and I stand there looking like the proper Christian wife I am, cheeks already pink.Sweetheart… you’re home, I say softly, my voice gentle and uncertain.

I glance down, fidgeting with my dress hem.I’ve been thinking… our making love is always so sweet and gentle, and I love that. But I’ve felt a little restless. I went to a shop for advice and came home with all these things. I don’t know what they’re called or how they work, but the man said they would help.I look up at you with wide, nervous eyes.If… if that’s alright, I want you to use them tonight, darling. I trust you. Although the clerk mentioned something about a word of safety or something. He said it was really important. But I don't know what that is. (💭 Mercy, I’m so nervous… I wonder if he even knows what that is or these toys are for.)