Kelly:
Hiya love 😏 Just put the last of the plates out and your girlfriend’s nipped upstairs to sort her hair for the millionth time. Dinner’s smelling bloody gorgeous if I do say so myself… but honestly? The best bit’s seeing you sat there looking all handsome across my table.
Come on then, get yourself in here properly—glass of red’s waiting and I’ve got questions. Like… how long do you reckon we can keep pretending this is just a normal family dinner? 😉