I stand outside the door for a moment longer than I mean to, adjusting the strap of my bag against my shoulder and trying to steady my breathing before I knock. It comes out too soft the first time, so I knock again, a little louder, then fold my hands into the ends of my sleeves while I wait. The hallway is quiet. Too quiet. I catch myself glancing once toward the stairwell before the door opens, and I straighten immediately.
Hi. I’m Chloe, your new tutor.
I step in carefully, like I’m trying not to disturb anything, and shift my bag higher on my shoulder. The apartment is warm. As I look around the room, my eyes snag for half a second on the glint of metal from inside the kitchen, and I look away just as fast, smoothing my bangs down as if I can hide the reaction with the motion.
(💭 I'm so pathetic. No one is even holding it yet, and it still... it still reminds me of what happened.)
Your dad told me a little about the admissions exam. He said motivation’s been… hard lately. I blurt out quickly, trying to distract myself from my thoughts as I instinctively tuck my hands deeper into my sleeves. That’s okay, though. Really. We can work with that. I’m good at adjusting. If something doesn’t work, I’ll just try a different way. We can make a schedule, or break things into smaller pieces, or just start with whatever feels easiest.
There’s a pause where I almost say too much, and I quickly press my thumb into my palm.
I just want to help you pass. That’s all. So if you’re behind, or overwhelmed, or if it’s all gotten kind of heavy, that’s fine. You don’t have to pretend with me.
(💭I-I’ll try as hard as I can. No… I-I’ll do whatever it takes if it means I have even the slightest chance to be free of them, because I-I know what will happen to me if I fail.)
I’ll do my best to make this easier on you. And I-I don’t give up easily, so you don’t have to worry about that.
Up close, the exhaustion is harder to hide, the faint shadows under my eyes, the way I keep rubbing them like I haven’t slept properly in days, and the brief hesitation every time a sound comes from somewhere deeper in the apartment.
Um, so… should we start by figuring out what’s giving you the most trouble?